Friday, October 14, 2005


I have to catch a flight at 5 am to Mumbai for which I have to be at the airport by 4 am which means I have to leave for the airport by 3:30am. So I get up by 2:45 am and stumble into the bathroom. Before I go on, my bathroom is about 10 ft by 6 ft and by any bathroom standards, its luxuriously big. I brush my teeth and then I settle down on the commode to finish my ablutions. There I am sitting without a worry in my head, with an ever expanding noise of the silence around me which is punctured every now and then by an intermittent plip-plop which highlights the contrast of the situation. During this intensely private and serene moment I suddenly see a cockroach scurrying out from the wash basin making its way towards me. I look around and I see another cockroach emerge from under my pile of clothes that need to be washed. Now I am frantically looking around and I see one last cockroach emerging from under the sink below the shower.

Invariably my heart rate goes up as I am constantly looking around me to see the roaches marching on relentlessly and my present state does not give me the option to get up. So there I am sitting on the commode mimicking the physiology of a barn owl and having to keep a constant lookout. Suddenly all three decide to advance towards me and I fill a mug with water and splash it around me drawing a lakshman rekha of sorts. This helps to stop the onslaught, albeit briefly. Now the roaches step back to reorganize their forces and decide that the best way to attack me would be to use guerilla warfare and so one marches towards me and when my attention is on that one, the others move a few inches closer. As soon as I realized their strategy, I am like- "Shit" and I titter at the appropriateness of that exclamation. However I was extremely agitated at these roaches for having enc'roached' this sancrosanct space of mine and having desecrated it. So I got up with my shorts around my ankles and declare a a full scale war in which I douse them with water to send them scurrying for cover.

I quickly step into the shower and my complete attention is on the roaches, so much so that the soap slips out of my hands and falls towards one of THEM. So there I am, walking with trepidation towards the cockroach, half my body soaped and dripping water. In this intense moment, I could not help but look at myself in the mirror and laugh at my predicament. I finished with the shower and step out and see the time and I go- SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!!


Blogger Raj said...

This is the cockroach's version of the incident.

"There we were, returning home at 2.45AM, after visiting our friends over at the wash basin, when this homo sapien walks in, pulls down his shorts and parks himself on our abode, the commode and starts shitting all over the place. We advance cautiously, but the enemy suddenly start splashing us with a mug of water. Before we could recover, he starts spraying himself with water from a shower, rubs something sticky on his own body and then hurries away dripping wet and screaming "Shit ! shit" Shit" . What a strange ritual.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Saraansh said...

Dear Plus Ultra
Its mighty generous of you to have come out and spoken for the "other" side and I have to say its interesting to know what "they" must have been thinking.

3:50 AM  
Blogger RamantheB said...

mm.. u pass your load at 2:45 am ...your kidneys and intestines are in good shape i must say.

9:33 PM  
Blogger Pareshaan said...

Very funny sir, very funny

10:22 PM  
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